When Culture Becomes the Classroom

A Follow-Up to “When Strength Becomes Silence”

By Jay Jacobson, CFSPJacobson Professional Staffing | Ankeny, Iowa

It was a Tuesday afternoon in a mortuary science classroom. The kind of day when the air feels still and the hum of the lights sounds louder than the students. The instructor asked everyone to share why they chose funeral service.

A young woman near the front spoke first. “I want to help people heal,” she said with quiet confidence. Heads nodded around the room.

Then the instructor turned to a man near the back. He hesitated, eyes fixed on his notebook. “I guess I just like to help people too,” he said. His voice was low, almost unsure, as if even that small admission needed permission.

That moment stayed with me.

We often talk about the shortage of men entering funeral service, but numbers only tell part of the story. The real story lives in that pause. It lives in the hesitation of men who were taught that compassion is private and vulnerability is dangerous. It lives in how culture shapes their comfort with care.

Structure Creates Safety

In recent studies, psychologist Angela Duckworth found that schools with clear, consistent boundaries around phone use had stronger focus and better engagement. Students thrived when distractions were removed and expectations were predictable.

Richard Reeves, author of Of Boys and Men, found something similar. Young men do not resist structure as often as we think. They need it. Boundaries, mentorship, and clear purpose help them build confidence and belonging.

Funeral service is no different. Structure and connection give new professionals a place to stand. When we remove distraction, confusion, and emotional distance, they can find meaning in the work again.

Learning What Culture Teaches

For years, we have told men to be strong without ever teaching them what strength actually looks like in practice. Strength became silence. Emotion became something to manage instead of express.

But when men step into a culture that honors empathy as a form of professionalism, something shifts. They begin to see that steadiness and compassion belong together. They learn that showing care does not make them weaker; it makes them trustworthy.

I have watched this happen. Apprentices who arrive guarded and uncertain grow in both confidence and empathy when guided by mentors who model presence instead of perfection. They begin to listen differently. They carry themselves with quiet assurance instead of quiet fear.

The Environment We Build

If culture can train disconnection, it can also train belonging. Funeral homes can be that kind of classroom, one where the lesson is not only how to serve but how to connect.

When leaders invite reflection after difficult cases, when teams talk openly about the emotional side of the work, and when expectations are clear, people learn how to stay grounded. They feel safe enough to care deeply without losing themselves in the process.

That kind of culture does more than retain employees. It shapes the future of the profession.

A Final Reflection

Culture is not a backdrop. It is a teacher.

It teaches us how to show up, how to listen, and how to lead. When we create an environment that values presence and humanity, we do more than prepare the next generation of funeral directors. We prepare them to serve with courage and compassion.

Funeral service will always require strength, but the kind that heals begins with connection.