Traditional Funeral Home or Cremation Society?

Why Choosing a Traditional Funeral Home Matters: The Psychology Behind Rituals, Grief, and Healing - by Jay Jacobson, LUTCF, CPC, CFSP

A Story That Stays With Me

Several years ago, a family lost their 18-year-old son in a horrific auto accident. His body was so badly damaged that restoration to a natural appearance was impossible.

They had been told by the medical examiner that there was no way he could be made viewable. But his grandmother, an ER nurse, pressed me gently. She knew trauma. She had seen what bodies could look like after a traumatic loss. Yet she also knew something deeper. She knew the psychological importance of seeing him in the casket, of having a moment of truth and farewell.

So we looked closely. And we noticed one thing: his right hand was completely untouched.

We carefully bandaged the rest of his body, then dressed him and placed him in the casket with only that hand visible.

It was enough.

His mother stood at his side for hours, holding his hand, gently stroking it, as though she were holding him once more. That single hand became the bridge between despair and peace. It allowed her, and all of them, to begin the long road of acceptance.

That moment reminded me of what research now proves: the opportunity to see, to touch, and to say goodbye has profound psychological power.

The Psychological Role of Ritual

A traditional funeral is not simply ceremony. It is structure for the soul. Research in grief psychology confirms that rituals such as viewings, visitations, and funerals help mourners begin to process loss by creating a moment of acknowledgment and finality.

• Reality and acceptance: Viewing the deceased, even when partial, gives loved ones undeniable confirmation of death. This is a first step out of shock and disbelief.

• Closure and goodbye: The structured act of saying farewell, whether through touch, words, or symbolic gestures, allows mourners to release what they have been holding in.

• Social support: Funerals gather family, friends, and neighbors, reinforcing that grief is shared, not carried alone.

Psychology Today affirms what many funeral directors know by experience: traditional funeral rituals provide significant psychological and social value. They offer structure for the grieving process, reinforce community bonds, and help mourners find meaning after a loss. When these rituals are disrupted, grief often becomes more complicated and harder to resolve.

When rituals are removed entirely, grief can linger unresolved. Direct cremation through a cremation society may seem efficient, but it bypasses these natural mechanisms of healing.

Lessons from COVID-19

We saw this reality play out on a global scale during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Funerals were delayed or canceled. Families were handed ashes in a box on the porch. Communities were told to mourn in isolation.

The result was not just inconvenience. It was emptiness.

• Families left adrift: Without a timely funeral, many struggled to accept the reality of loss.

• Communities disconnected: The absence of public mourning left neighbors and friends without a way to show care. What should have been shared sorrow became silent sorrow.

• Unresolved grief: Studies emerging from the pandemic show higher rates of complicated grief, depression, and anxiety among those who were denied traditional rituals.

COVID revealed that funerals are not optional extras. They are essential touchstones of human resilience.

The Cost of Skipping Ritual

Families who choose a cremation society’s no-service option may unintentionally invite challenges:

• Lack of closure: No viewing or ritual often leaves grief feeling unfinished.

• Unacknowledged grief: Without a structured gathering, families may feel pressured to suppress emotion.

• Guilt or regret: Later, some wonder if they truly honored their loved one in the way they “should have.”

• Strain on relationships: Without ritual, families and friends can feel isolated or even divided by differing expectations.

• Condolences without context: Many families later report that every trip to the store, the gas station, or a school function becomes a quiet nightmare. Because there was no structured visitation or service, community members approach them in public settings to express sympathy. What should have been shared and absorbed in the safety of ritual becomes scattered moments of fresh pain in everyday life.

Research consistently shows that when grief is unexpressed or unsupported, it can surface later as depression, anxiety, or fractured relationships. COVID reinforced that truth in ways we will be studying for years.

Why the Price Gap Exists

Cremation societies often advertise dramatically lower prices than funeral homes, but the difference reflects more than dollars.

• Funeral homes maintain chapels, viewing rooms, and staff trained to support families through complex needs. Their pricing reflects both facilities and the professional expertise of licensed directors.

• Cremation societies operate on a simplified, volume-based model. Their focus is on the mechanical process of cremation, often with minimal involvement in grief care.

One is a full-service approach to both the body and the bereaved. The other is transaction-based.

Tradition as a Pathway to Healing

Choosing a traditional funeral home does not mean extravagance. It means honoring the psychological, emotional, and communal needs of those left behind. It means providing:

• A place to confront reality and begin to accept it.

• A time for family and community to gather and give support.

• A ritual that marks the sacred transition from life to memory.

That 18-year-old’s mother did not need perfection. She needed presence, ritual, and a way to begin. COVID reminded us what happens when those needs are stripped away. Grief delayed. Communities isolated. Legacies left unspoken.

What does this mean to me?

So when the time comes to make this decision, ask yourself not just, “What does it cost?” but “What does it cost us if we do not?”

Because funerals are not for the dead; they are for the living. And the living need space, structure, and community to begin healing.

A traditional funeral is not an expense. It is an investment in closure, in legacy, and in the wellbeing of every person touched by that loss.

Practical Considerations

When comparing providers, it is important to weigh value as well as cost:

• Cost versus service level: A cremation society may be appropriate if your family prefers a very simple arrangement with no viewing or ceremony.

• Service coordination: If you need help with a visitation, memorial service, or logistics, a funeral home offers comprehensive assistance through its staff and facilities. If a separate service will be held elsewhere, a licensed funeral director can still help coordinate details.

• Consumer protection: The Federal Trade Commission’s “Funeral Rule” gives you the right to choose only the goods and services you want. This transparency allows you to compare clearly and select the option that best serves your family.