Reading the Room: Why Eye Contact, Structure, and a Cookie Recipe Still Matter

By Jay Jacobson, LUTCF, CPC, CFSP

Introduction: Why This Still Matters

In a world shaped by screens and notifications, the ability to 'read the room' is quietly fading. Many bright, capable young professionals enter the workforce fluent in digital communication, but underprepared to interpret posture, tone, or the look in someone’s eyes.

Yet in professions rooted in trust, care, and human connection, like funeral service, hospitality, or client support, body language remains one of our most powerful tools.

The Power of Structure

At my funeral home in small-town Iowa, we developed what we called the 'Standard Service.' It was a simple, consistent outline of the core steps most services followed, pallbearer coordination, music cues, clergy seating, and more.

Instead of reviewing dozens of tasks before every service, I could just say, 'Everything else is Standard.' That phrase saved time and allowed our team to focus not on logistics—but on people.

From Practice to Culture: Creating a Text Book

We reinforced the Standard Service with a training document we called the Text Book—a guide that explained not just what we do, but why. It became our cultural compass.

For new hires, it created clarity. For seasoned staff, it was a touchstone. For me, it ensured the service didn’t depend on my physical presence.

A Story in Silent Leadership

I once led a funeral down the long center aisle of a large church. I walked forward at the head of the casket while a team member walked backward at the foot. He couldn’t see the path, only me.

We didn’t speak. We locked eyes. Through visual cues alone, we completed a silent, seamless, and dignified procession.

That kind of trust isn’t spontaneous, it’s built on shared expectations and quiet confidence.

Teaching the Screen-Trained Generation

Today’s professionals are skilled, but often under-practiced in real-time, human awareness. They aren’t broken. They just haven’t been trained to notice subtle things: - A hesitant glance from a client - A slumped posture from a guest - A team member silently asking for help

How to Teach Body Language and Presence

- Model it. Be calm, open, and present. - Debrief it. Ask 'What did you notice?' after interactions. - Role-play it. Practice silent service moments. - Review it. Video debriefs reveal what words can’t. - Standardize it. Set expectations for tone and posture. - Celebrate it. Highlight the moments when awareness leads the way.

Even Cookie Dough Benefits from a Standard

In our cookie business, we teach a Standard Cookie Mixing Technique. Overmixing makes dough tough. Undermixing makes it crumbly. But with structure, and understanding, we get consistent, excellent results.

Closing Reflection: Teach the Look That Says Everything

You can’t reverse the digital age. But you can teach your team how to tune in—how to lead with presence, how to listen with their eyes, and how to serve with silent awareness.

Presence is a skill. Eye contact is a muscle. Awareness is a form of leadership.

Sometimes, all it takes is a look. And sometimes, that look says everything.